The Yardie

"Gyal, me wann fi hold
Yuh me arms right around ya
Gyal, you give me the tightest
Hold me eva seen in my life...."

Slow whine...slow whine..fast whine..fast whine...Ok, Ok can you guess where he's from?

*Rolls eyes*. He had "tuff swag." "Rude bwoy"...Big tings a gwan my yute....Okay for real now, I'm in Saks minding my business. Folding clothes, walking around looking....cute. You know. It's almost time for my break and then my girl walks around the corner and I see him.

Swag is nice. Body...nice. Accent? I live. They are having a conversation and feel it necessary to go get in it. So I walk over and of course get my introduction. He has a presence about him. I love when a man can stand somewhere and not say a word and you just know he's a man. It's like his shoulders are pushed back, chest out, walk says something, it's just sexy to me. I like being around someone like that too. It's the way he lightly puts his hand in the small of your back sometimes, or walks slightly in front of you to open the door...you know, man "sh!t". Excuse my french.

We exchange information. My God mother is Jamaican and I've been there and around enough of them to understand what they were saying...but his accent was so fresh off the boat, the first phone conversation was:

Yardie: "Wheyyadey"

Me: "Hunh? Home"?

Yardie: "Whahgwan"

Me: "Nothing..."

Yardie: "Melikewhatasaywhenmeameetu"

Me: "What"?

Yardie: "Miwannagyalwhogotekyouaway"

Me: "What"?

Yardie: "Let's go to city Island."

That last one came through like an emergency alert system during a snow storm with no TV, radio and only a crackhead with a bullhorn at the end of the block eating Cheetos. Heard that loud and clear.

He is...amazing. Conversation was great, he was funny, entertaining, 100% man. We dated for a while. Honestly, he's definitely in the top ten. Plus, he used to come shop at my job with me, just because it would help my "commission" and he felt like I should stack my paper. At the time I was in hair school and he would come to drop me off all the way in Bay Ridge just so he could "see my face." Random trips for crab legs in City Island. Movies, trips, companionship...Great guy. Until...

One night, my phone rings...unknown. I don't answer. An hour later...unknown. I don't answer. An hour later...unknown. Now I pick up. No one answers. I put the phone down and walk away to do something else. Come back...Two missed calls. Unknown. From about 8 pm that night until about 4 or 5 in the morning. Every hour unknown calls. Now...if you been in the game for a while. You already know what's up. If not, let me school you. The only person to do some "rahtid" sh!t like that is a woman or a stalker....People. I have no stalkers.

I go to work and low and behold all the way there...Unknown calls. Finally about 11pm 718 something something pops up on the screen. Hello?.....

"Hi...Um, Do you know "Yardie"?

"Who is this"???

"Well I'm trying to figure out who you are, I'm his baby mother and me and his son want to know who the hell you are? I seen your number a couple of times in his phone and I can't figure it out."

"Really? So while you were going through his phone, and then you saw my number a couple of times, did you go to him and ask who I was"?

"Yes...he said he don't know you."

"So what are you calling me for"?

"Because, I seen your number and I'm trying to figure out what's going on between you two."

"But he just said he don't know me. If that's ya man, and your baby's father and that's his phone and you went to HIM and asked HIM who I was and HE told you that HE don't know me. What in your head made you think you should pick up the phone and call me"?

"Because, I seen your number and I'm..."

"Listen, babygirl. We are going in circles. If he said he don't know me, then he don't. Don't even worry about it. If he don't know me, then I don't know him. This is a case of mistaken identity."

"Well, you don't sound like you're from New York. You seem nice, I just wanted to let you know we are together and find out if something was going on. Thank you."

I hang up with this chic and stand there for a minute...I walk over to my homegirl and tell her the story and she has that look like, well yeah, I knew about her....but that's that man's business to tell you. I roll my eyes and walk away. As I'm walking away, the phone rings, it's him.

"Yo, you okay? I'm sorry about that. She went through my phone and seen your numb..."

Click.

I can't stand excuses and more than that I hate a liar. 357