The Are You Serious?

Today was The BBall Boo, but recently I was out with friends and met this guy. We exchanged information and I just wanted my readers to see that it's not just my past that is full of unbelievable stories.

I'm sitting on this couch and he leans over and says, "Hi, I'm Are Your Serious"? Very respectful, a gentleman. Plus, he had a slight referral from one of my friends. I have nothing to lose. He shakes my hand, and says, "I'd like to take you to dinner." I say, "You know you shouldn't meet people in clubs you know, they could be nuts." He replies, "I said take you to dinner, not marry you." Cute. I laugh. He's funny.

We part ways and later on that night, we exchange numbers.

So the other day. I'm chilling, minding my business and I get this text:

"I'm about to leave work, I'm going to call you later in the meantime, what are you likes/dislikes, turn-ons, turn-offs, fetishes, whatever :)"

I'm doing something and if you know me well, I can't concentrate on too much at one time, so I'm not really in the mood for a long chat conversation. So I say:

"That's too much for one text."

Him:

"I know, I prefer face to face, but I have unlimited text :), I will keep it light."

Me:

"Fine. Life.Love.Laughter.Fashion. I dislike liars. Turn-ons, it depends, turn offs, way too much to text and fetishes...none."

So he says, "I see. No fetishes"?

I'm like, "No, I mean I will search 5 stores for candy corn, but um...nah."

So he says, "I was thinking more personal, but I'm the same way with gummy worms."

Hmmm...Gummy worms?

So then...this text comes through, and I quote:

"Great...I love great legs, sexy smile, mean walk, shoe fetish...loooooove asses n a woman who appreciate stimulation in that area....spontaneity..humor, n tree smoke can't bother her...(hope not 2much)"

O_o Pause.

Wait. What? I swear I wanted clarification on that middle section but I couldn't even get into it. The only thing I could respond back was...."Gotcha."

He responds, "Aww...Did I lose u. (honesty..) text was a lot. Not many can appreciate same things, n a person im a gentleman. I just like what I like."

I'm holding the phone looking at the text like....Are you serious right now?

I respond that his likes are his likes and it has "nothing to do with me...."

He goes, "Nice. Quite evasive. Well at least you weren't turned off. I want to know you, something tells me you might just like or are into the same things I mentioned. That would be more than a coincidence."

-_-

Dude. What in the HELL would make you think I would like or be into some of the things you mentioned?? Like for real? Where they say that at??

I'm looking at the phone like I don't know how to take this...I respond...."Oh really, ummm I'm a say no and none of the above."

He texts back, "I wish I didn't read that, but do you think you could get to know someone who liked things that you don't like."

I really don't want to answer. Is he serious? Maybe I'm the crazy one. I mean who says that? Who texts that to someone fifth text into a conversation? Really? Really dude? You just get it all out the way in the beginning hunh? Stimulation? in that area? I might be sick. Matter of fact, I'm done with this post. SMH. 352.