Starbucks should be the official first date sponsor

Just to take a break from the madness, I decided to post my petition for Starbuck's to sponsor all first dates I wrote this last year or so....and guess what, it still stands. Here ya go:

All those in favor...say "I."

It has come to my attention that Starbuck's should be the official first date sponsor. All first dates should take place here, and in some cases-end here. It is 2009 and it is high time that we stop wasting money and most importantly...my damn time.

Let me explain why.

First of all, most first dates happen where? Dinner. This is a mistake.

1. Not only do you not know if he is driving, you don't know his door etiquette. He may be a honker. You know pull up and honk. When I was younger I couldn't even go out with boys that honked the horn because like my mama told me, "This aint a truck stop, so when he get some manners, you can get in his car." I would literally have to sit and wait till he rang the doorbell, left to go home and call (you know we didn't have cell phones), page him or he left and I had to explain the next day why we missed the movie.

Therefore, if first dates were held at Starbucks....there are hundreds of them, you guys can just meet up! Not only does this clear things up, but you can leave at your own liberty. If things go well--he can walk you to his car and take you home....or to the next spot. No need to call and let you know "I'm downstairs..."

2. Your taste might be tiger prawns and filet mignon wrapped in bacon that night....his might be jack daniels at Fridays. Now....ladies I love my share of jack daniels ribs...I do. I mean I like to eat. But I'm saying, if you walk out the house in your Loubou's and blazer combo and you get in the car with the idea of Phillipe's and you end up Pepe's....you're probably going to have an attitude.

Therefore, if first dates were held at Starbucks, the only money being burned is a cup of coffee and you can assess each others wardrobe in a public location and determine what type of restaurants the both of you can enjoy...if any at all.

3. You do not know this fool's eating habits.

"If you stick your fork one more time in my plate without asking me, I swear you will pull back a nub...If you wanted what the heck I'm eating then you should of ordered it!and I'm saying, Daaammmnnn do you always talk with your mouth full??? and what is that on the side of yo mooouuufff?? Wipe your face man. Ughhh"

You know what I'm talking about.

Therefore, at Starbuck's.....baby if you can't sip through a straw correctly or sip from that little opening at the top of that cup...we need not go any further.

4. The conversation might be WACK. Now I have to pretend to push my mashed potatoes around and look at the people around me...check my phone and occupy my time some other way cause your ass doesn't know how to have a two minute conversation. OVER IT.

See at Starbuck's if I'm halfway through my Java chip and you haven't made me laugh not once....bruh--I'm good.

5. If you tweet something I have said one more time...it's going to be me and you. Facebook does not need to know our every move!!!! Damn. Save something for when you get home. Surprise me with a cute message. Not I get home and I see on the screen "She so cute when she eat, look at how that water dribbled down her chin..." WTH???

A cup of coffee does not last that long, you don't have time to tell everybody in your area and everybody you went to high school with, our business. Thank You.

6. If you can't pronounce it....baby don't order it. It is "Mixed 'Field' (Feeled -Sound it out) Greens and vegetables" Not "Mixed FILED greens...." SMH

At Starbuck's....sure you may not know Macchiato, or Mocha or whatever, but cha know coffee don't cha?

7. You do not know his "likka" level. It could go one of two ways.

a. You looking at this fool like---you only had one glass of Riesling why the hell are you bopping real fast to the slow dinner music...geesh. Now you looking around to see if anybody else notices.

b. He throwing 'em back like your uncle on the back porch with his friends and you can't keep up. Now you sitting there giggling like a bumbling idiot cause you have drank too much.

I'm good. Starbuck's doesn't have a "likka" license. I'll throw 'em back with ya some other time...If there will be another time.

8. "Did you just flinch at the check??? You chose this restaurant not me! Now you have an attitude cause you have now spent up your daughter's shoe money and all we did is eat." Hell I'm mad too!! I ain't even know you had kids...geesh.

We can get all that out the way within the first five minutes at STTTARRBUUUCCKKKS! Most we will spend is $10. If you don't have that....you need not be dating.

9. We been sitting at this table a whollllee hour and 20 minutes and you wait until we dun tee hee heed about everything under the sun and then reveal you stay in your mama's house and don't have a job and borrowed dinner money from your sister?

Sigghhh. I could have been at my house being productive cause unlike u--I got a job bruh.

Once again, if our first date was at Starbucks...I could have left you sitting right in that fluffy recliner with the rest of your tall iced coffee.

10. AND Finally, that awkward ride home where you are real quiet and he's going on and on about his self probably can be avoided..

"Can you quit asking me what's wrong...oh oh oh oh and when will we see each other again?? How bout NOT NEVA? How about that...."

So, I've decided to petition Starbuck's and ask them to become the official first date sponsor for single ladies. You can get all you need to know out of the way, hell you can even show how nice you are and buy his coffee and you can assess where if anywhere this may or may not be going.

Thank You and Goodnight.

P.S. Dating is for the birds.

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