He's back. You have to catch up on Part I-III--click right over there ---->
After he said I see her everyday...the tears came out of my face like rivers. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I was just like, "What"?
He was looking at me with this somber face and I couldn't quite figure out what to say. All I could do was cry. My heart had been ripped out and he was holding it. I felt like he literally was the person who I had decided to give my heart to and he was too selfish to let me be anywhere else but with him.
I looked at him and just asked him to take me home.
I screamed the whole way in the car and just wanted to know what does, "I see her everyday mean."
He had no explanation. I promise to this day his eyes glassed over, but I'm not sure.
I got in the house and called Misha.
The first thing she said was, "He live with her."
Wait.
Wait. One second.
He didn't say all that. She goes, "I told you, I asked you over the summer were you sure he didn't live with anybody." I had to hang up. I had to put two and two together. I called him. All of sudden I hear racket in the background. Screaming. Drama. It's going down.
I ask him, "You live with her"?
He responds, "I can't do this right now."
"Can't do what"?!
"Listen, this is crazy. You got me telling on myself. I'm a call you back."
I...was.....sick.
My phone rings and all I hear is his best friend in my ear, "He didn't expect you to be you, don't trip, it's gonna be okay." Everything is a blur. The blur lasted for about two days. I'm not sure I ate. I just know I slept. All I can remember is sleeping and dreaming. I wanted to disappear.
I needed to go to work....I decided to go to church first. The only fulfillment I knew was Jesus. So...I got dressed. I decided I needed to make my face up, you know get it together and look halfway decent. I had new boots I needed to break in, so I broke those out and got a nice sweater dress--I was feeling refreshed.
I got to work and I'm reading the paper. An hour or two later...two girls walk in.
"Oh word...." The little one said. "Is this suppose to be whassup"?
The other one giggles....I turned around from where I was sitting...and I knew. I knew like I know the back of my hand that it was her. She had came in. I looked at her and we were so different. She stood before me in these sneakers and her jeans, and her micro-braids...I looked at her closely. I looked at the rings on her fingers, the diamonds on her neck and in her ears. I clutched my own ears slightly, going over my diamonds as I stared into the person who was the opposite version of me.
Her eyes searched me, she looked into my face with great intent as if the reason for her own last two days of pain would be revealed somehow in my eyes. We were silent, she asked me did I know him. I think she expected me to have an attitude and be ready to fight. I wasn't. I was too hurt. I had no fight in me. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't mine. I answered her and I think my voice was so stoic and quiet that the only thing she could do was continue to stare at me and figure out what her next sentence would be. Her voice was shaky. This wasn't a dream. I wanted to tell her--trust me, I know how you feel. I couldn't I could only tell her that I'm in the same place she is. I'm on the other side. I'm feeling the same way. She wanted to know so much and a part of me wanted to be quiet, but the other part had to defend myself. I had to stand up and let her know that...that her 4 years meant as much as my 1.
I was here...I was in this project. I wasn't moving. I earned mine. As stubborn as I felt at that moment....It was nothing to the tears that had started to stream down her face....
Really? -_-
Am I gonna have to get this girl some tissue?
No comments:
Post a Comment