The Dumb Model

His smile was captivating.

He gave me the eye at the end of the runway. You know, that "Ouu you're interesting, I'm interesting let's be interesting together."

I am not impressed.

Okay, I was. But still. He was a model, he was doing this show at my store and I know how "those" guys are. ANNOYING.

First of all. Any dude that gets his eyebrows arched...is gay.

Second of all. Any dude that suggests, mentions, insinuates, acts like, pretends to, or even looks at any feminine product that I may own, buy or like....is gay.

I don't care what you say. I mean metro-sexual is cool. But, really we have to draw the line somewhere.

For example, I was in Miami with my homegirls and her man and his friends came down too. Now her man was dead into fashion. Loves clothes, likes to see her in nice things. I love it. But we get in the club and this chic is arguing with her acting like she wants to pull it. My friend, being the "diva" she is takes a bottle and cracks it on the table to let the chic know that she was "not the one." (You know me, I'm standing beside her with 9-1-1 on speed dial). Anyway she ends up cutting her hand and we have to go to the hospital. So she calls him and tells him to meet us at Miami-Dade (I don't know if that's the name but it sounds good) Hospital. He walks in...and he doesn't say, "Are you ok"? He doesn't say, "What happened"? He comes in, looks at her sitting down, cocks his head to the side, looks at her dress and says, "Is that Roberto Cavalli"?

O_o

Moving on.

So I'm not interested but interested and after the show he approaches me. Let's skip past all the small talk. That's how small it was and we decide to go to lunch. So I'm sitting at the table and this dude is going in about his career, his this, his that. I'm over it. He had a great personality, really. But I'm just not that into him.

I'm like trying to decide how to make my exit when my phone rings. It's my mom. So he goes, "lemme talk to her." I give him the are you serious right now face. But if you know my mom or can tell by the previous posts...she's hilarious. So I'm up for a good laugh.

"Heeey, I'm with your daughter at lunch."

She goes, "Oh ok."

"She's really wonderful."

"Ok. How are you"?

"Well I'm taking one day at a time"?

My mom says, "What are you? A drug addict? That's what they tell people to say in rehab."

I...am....on....the floor.

When I get the phone back, my mom is like, "What the hell?! He talking about one day at a time, heck I wanted to know why"!

He's got the dumb face on.

So it's time to make my exit and he decides to walk me back to the store. We get to this little nook and he grabs me and tries to kiss me, like he's the Don Juan and oh so romantic that I should be swooning over him. Instead, I am spitting like a crazy woman because that's the most disgusting thing in the world is his mouth anywhere near mine. I'm hacking and looking at him like he's a curse and I make my way upstairs.

Not only did I find out--he told me a fake name and was a pathological liar through a mutual friend...but a few months later I'm about to get on the train--guess who's face passes by on an ad on a bus. SMH...only me.